Nightmares...

My past keeps coming back to haunt me... i had a flashback of something traumatic that happened to me when i was younger. i thought i was over it, but as this event played in my head all i could do was cry, then i began to freeze up and fear started to creep back in..

seems like everytime i try to take this step in what seems like the right direction, my past drags me back in, i feel like it happened yesterday. and i seem to be set back further than where i was. killing my progress and my esteem. what i feel about myself or thought i felt about myself seems like a lie, because it's gotten me NOWHERE no matter how hard i pushed! is this my life? or am i in some kinda twilight zone?! can i get out of this place?! is there another ME somewhere, the REAL me..and i'm just a carbon copy or a memory of my former self stuck here in some crazy 3-dimension or a MATRIX? the REAL ME must be having a BALL on an island, drinking little fruity drinks with the colorful umbrellas and getting a massage by a handsome gentleman with a gorgeous accent and smile!

on the FLIPSIDE..i'm having all of these WONDERFUL dreams about my friends, some of which have come to reality in a short amount of time. while i'm still waiting on somethings...MANY THINGS..smh..and it's going on YEARS now! maybe i only have myself to blame for that one!

i'm tried of these bad memories! they need to die! so i'm going to be a on a mission from now on! everything that comes up will get squashed and destroyed! kill or be killed!

seems like i have a fight on my hands! like the whole world is against me! but if GOD is on my side, does anything else matter?