Thursday, February 25, 2010

I've come THIS far by FAITH! [PROGRESS on this weight loss journey] pt 1.

i pray this will be helpful to someone else and NO you may not be able to relate 100% because this is MY story, but take lil nuggets [no..not chicken] where you can..bless.

ok first off! i had to admit to myself that this is an issue for me. i struggled with this most of my life due to certain personal issues i wont get into right now though you may know where i'm getting at. this spirit of sworn secrecy that causes us to eat away our issues and pain is REALLY what's killing quite a few of us, if not physically, then mentally and emotionally. on top of injuries, depression, giving up, and just not caring anymore is what caused me to be to be where i was.

now..i know that was a lil heavy...but that's real! and as much as i wanna put on the face of the HAPPY FAT GURL..i just cant fake this. i want to live! and i'm TIRED of having my identity attached with being THE BIG GURL! i want you to know me as ALICIA! and what a beautiful name that is! much better than BIG MAMA! lol

it was a scary thing being diagnosed as borderline diabetic LESS than a month after my uncle had to bury his 1st born due to this horrible grandmother mourning over her oldest grandchild, still to this day she talks about him, she raise him like a son.

so i was pretty much scared straight after that. and with a few setbacks here and there i'm NOW 72 pounds lighter! and YES i have a ways to go but i'm getting there! and it was a slow process compared to some! started my weightloss right BEFORE thanksgiving of 07! are you serious?! right before a HOLIDAY?! the FATTEST holiday in american history! lol but that's how determined i was.

more on the story LATER! but here are some things i've found along the way that have helped me.

1. God showing me that HE can do ALL THINGS! so many times we look at spiritual things and neglect the natural! and NO it's not being vain! how can we perform HIS works if we're in this state that's hindering us from our full potential?

2. knowing i can't do this by myself. GOD will show us what to do EVERY step of the way. and know HIS promises for us! HE wants us to prosper as our souls prosper! so why shouldn't we live to see the FRUITS of HIS LOVE?! dont you wanna live to see what HE's spoken over your life come to pass?

3. but dont depend on no one else. get out there and do somethings yourself. i know it maybe hard when no one else supports you but DO IT FOR YOU! and when you're seen in the FIELD, God will bless someone to help you along the way.

4. know that EVERYDAY IS A NEW DAY! This phrase helps me through SO much! it helped me with the 1st 50LBS! no exercise! even when you mess up or splurge, dont revert back because of guilt! for God's mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING! so why should we beat ourselves up over something we can learn from. just do better next time!

5. i'm tired of holding myself back, using this weight as an excuse! and to be honest we ALL know that weight is one of the most taboo issues there is to can be a crackhead and you'll have popularity [check some of these celebs]. be ANYTHING in this world but FAT! and with me wanting to be a SINGER, it's really HARD to get a foot in the door. ask martha wash, phyllis hyman, and kelly price.

6. and YES part of the way i feel about myself is attached to my weight! but NOW i feel way more confident now! i feel so good that i've gotten this far even tho i have a LONG way to go! almost HALFWAY THERE THO! but i dont wanna evolve my whole life around my weight or being happier if i get to a certain size! which leads too....

7. i'm not waiting til i get to a certain size to feel beautiful or look beautiful or enjoy my life! YES for a while i didnt care! now i'm beatin my face again [lol], puttin on my heels [tho i cant wear the ones i want due to my back injury and extra weight but i'm gettin there!], buying a cute dress, whatever makes me feel ladies dont deprive yourself of EVERYTHING while in transition. if you buy that new dress and get smaller...hand it down to another curvy diva..maybe she'll find you to be a great inspiration and want to do the same when she gets smaller if she chooses to.

8. actually looking in the mirror, in my transition, and saying I AM BEAUTIFUL and my price is far above rubies! EVEN IN THIS STATE i'm in! oh what a beautiful feeling for me to look into my own eyes and see the sparkle that God sees. those big, beautiful, warm brown eyes speak back to me! still so full of hope! i still see that sparkle as i did when i was a kid. still a DREAMER! i use to not be able to look into the mirror long especially NOT in my own eyes and say im BEAUTIFUL! ...THUS...

9. looking at my progress to see how far i've come! those of you that know me personally KNOW exactly what i mean! and yes i still have a way to go, IT'S PROGRESS! and PROGRESS IS PROGRESS!

10. and i HATE to sound selfish..but in the end this IS about you! well mainly between YOU AND GOD #1! dont do it for approval or to show off or to anything like that cuz if they dont accept you dont need them in your life! and that' s one thing that held me back at first BECAUSE i was NEVER popular so i thought if i got to a certain size i would be this selfish, spoiled, stuck-up #####! lol i've watched it happen with other people [not just with weight loss but even change in makin more money, overnight celebs, etc]. which from my observation they were trying to fill a void of what they never had..acceptance. so i SERIOUSLY had to pray to God that HE wouldn't let me get to that point! and hey..HE's doing a good job at that! lol

11. and i know we consider it a journey...and i hate using the word DIEt! as you can see it starts with DIE! we have to DIE to these old habits and ways of thinking. develop a whole new lifestyle, a whole new sense of SELF! so in order to work on the NEW YOU the OLD YOU has to DIE!

so as you can see it's not just about the EATING as it is the mental and spirtitual! that's why i started with this first..because this is what's most important to me! i want to be WHOLE in all areas of my life..not just a BEAUTIFUL MESS! gorgeous on the outside but a pure d #####. know what those #'s stand for! lol and i just HATE that so many 'beautiful' people get away with that crap and we accept it! shame! but that's another story!

PT 2! coming SOON!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

this is just the begining!

getting used to this again, getting everything connected and i'm on a ROLE!