Monday, July 5, 2010

not so pretty PCOS [pt. 3]

i will elaborate now on MY story. hopefully this will help someone find some relief and encouragement. know that if you're dealing with craziness that you dont are NOT alone! this is hard for me because i dont open up too easily. but GOD allows us to go through things to help others, even on our way to our own personal wins!

CAUTION::: SOME OF THIS MAYBE A LIL TMI FOR please keep that in mind as you read.

i remember it started with the SIDEBURNS...they kept growing. i was about 14 or 15 at the time. overweight, depressed and now THIS?! it was so embarrassing. i never really noticed it was that bad until someone, a DUDE, pointed it out. then it seemed like things went downhill from there.

i also remember my neck was darker than the rest of my body, i didnt know what that was all about. i was made fun of about that, even by my own family members. saying i didnt bathe good. i remember getting alcohol-soaked towels and SCRUBBING my neck until it was raw..with NO luck!

then when i was 17 i noticed a lil hair on my neck, then two, then three. i was told it was just hormones, just hereditary. i had a boyfriend at the time and when he noticed it i wanted to JUMP out of a window! ahhhh! noooo!

about 18, my periods were VERY heavy and i've even had a few embarrassing incidents. mind you, MORE facial hair and NOW...a nice lil mustache..not as thick as some i've seen though! THANK YOU JESUS!

age 19-20 the periods would get so heavy and painful, my first few days i laid in the bed in fetal position, weak. even during the PMS time frame. it was the WORST ever!!!

then all of a sudden...the bleeding didnt stop! and it went on every day for 3 yrs...heavy bleeding, clotting, pain, with maybe a day or two break in between..i was so scared. imagine pushing down of your lower abdomen...and there's MORE! even painful to touch at times! it was even hard to sleep on my stomach (even now..). constantly changing pads..OVERNIGHT SUPERLONG WITH WINGS and a license to fly! haha! them big ole pads that sound like a diaper when you walk! ugh! NOT SEXY! then so weak and lightheaded from losing so much blood. and depressed even more because NOW i felt like i wasn't NORMAL at i was definitely a FREAK! like i was being CURSED! then the WEIGHT came on even more! and i locked myself in the house!

i was always told it was ALL BECAUSE OF my weight. even the facial hair. they said my excess weight throws the body's hormones off track, which is partially true, but i wonder if these people have been educated on PCOS. didnt even know what it was until i was 27! and by then i was NOT having a period! praying for a miracle.

so YEAH...three years CONSTANT bleeding (endometriosis maybe? they never told me. but with ME doing my own research and reading..i THOUGHT that's what it was.)

tried to take birth control pills, they made everything go haywire! the mood swings were like CRAZY. WAY too much to handle! among other things, so i STOPPED.

then a while after that..IT STOPPED..COMPLETELY!!! three years NO PERIOD..i REALLY begin to get scared..thinking 'what if it's a tumor, or tumors or CANCER'?

did a series of test..didnt have DIABETES! THANK YOU JESUS, but i was borderline diabetic/insulin resistant which could EASILY escalate to diabetes if i didnt lose the weight. seeing my cousin die at such a young age (37) of this disease shocked me back to reality! i was basically eating my life away! i was THISSSS close to being 400LBS [before i decided to do SOMETHING]! the WORST feeling ever! to step on the scale and see the numbers that high, to have all of these odds (other ailments) against you. to look in the mirror and NOT recognize yourself..if you could even stand look in the mirror long enough to even notice how bad it REALLLLY IS/WAS!

i finally got a sonogram (external and internal..omg that was BAD!!! the PAIN! because my cervix and uterus was so high i had to get jammed with that thing to get a proper reading! just terrible!) and they found the cysts on my ovaries and in my uterus, but not big enough to be a threat. they did a pap and didnt find cancerous cells. THANK GOD!

then with the combination of symptoms that were checked when i was diagnosed BORDERLINE DIABETIC::

weight gain. mainly in the midsection (also from stress for me..)
soreness in the abdominal area
facial hair
dark spots of skin on my neck, knees and elbows.
maybe a few skin tags [like elevated moles]
depression..i felt like a freak..and still do! the crazy hormonal changes does things to you physically and emotionally.
insulin resistance (chunks your metabolism in the trash, making it harder to lose weight.)
alot of hair shedding and thinning

i was finally diagnosed with PCOSthe enemy finally had a name...

..that was 3yrs ago. now i'm on a mission to FIGHT EVEN HARDER!

at first i was like LORD IF IT AINT ONE THING IT'S ANOTHER?! but He wont put more on us that we can bear! i had to remind myself of that the other day even as tears stream down my face! as symptoms seem to MOUNT..and yes the PRESSURE gets to be a bit much...but i'm willing to do what it takes to win!

also looking back on my family history, alot of women have had 'female problems'. even my mom having a hysterectomy at a young age, maybe in her early 30's. she said when they removed everything there were cysts like a cluster of grapes on her ovaries...sounds like PCOS to me...but dont quote me on that..then had WLS..

so i've lost a bit of weight. it's been a HARD 3 yr battle, but i've lost over 73 lbs..gained some back..but i'm working on nipping that in the bud! (with the back injury and all. another story! smh) also i've noticed the dark patches have lightened up SIGNIFICANTLY..especially on my knees, which have almost fade COMPLETELY. even my neck has lightened up a bit! THANK GOD! i used to use bleaching cream on the patches with lil or NO luck! since i was allergic to it, ESPECIALLY from the chest up..ugh!

BUT the facial hair is still there (which i have to remove, almost DAILY! but i'm looking into somethings for that as well.). the middle is still there (along with the bloating from IBS. another symptom of PCOS from my understanding)..not as bad periods have started to get a lil crazy again (especially with the stress i'm dealing with right now on my job other health issues trying to break me down) but at least i still have a period! which was a MIRACLE I PRAYED FOR.

ok..i was gonna END here..but GOD brought that back to my memory of how HE healed me!

when i went those 3YRS w/o a period. at first it was a relief since i bled all that time before, i felt i need a break..then when the years went on...i was like 'THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND'. so i started praying..then one SUNDAY MORNING one of the ministers said there's a spirit of HEALING in the room so i instantly lifted my hands and felt GOD's presence as never before..i felt something moving around, i felt so much warmth and electricity all over my body, then the heat grew in my lower abdomen, exactly were my womb was! i've NEVER felt anything like that before! and i'm in tears just thinking about it right now! i literally felt a RELEASE or can i describe it? it was just AMAZING! i knew exactly what that release was for!!! the NEXT DAY i had my PERIOD! after 3yrs, then GOD healed me like THAT *snap*! i lived to witness a MIRACLE in my own lifetime!! and it happened to ME!!!!

and that was about a year or so ago!!! and i still have a period! it's trying to get a lil wacky again but i know God is giving me the knowledge and the strength and the tools to fight this and help others! so many others that have this have shared their stories. one lady named AUDREY shares her story, even personally encouraged me. and i appreciate her for that!

so for a while i forgot all about it..then things started getting worse. EVERYTHING was out of wack! felt like my body was breaking down! i started PRAYING! asking GOD for a miracle, asking for wisdom, whatever to be HEALED. especially with my WEIGHT being my NUMBER ONE target right now! and He said GO BACK TO WHAT'S AILING YOU, GO BACK TO THE SOURCE, WHY ARE THINGS LIKE THEY ARE RIGHT NOW? WHY ARE YOU NOT ABLE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT? i was like 'eating? emotions? these hrs? my injuries?' He said, NO. IT'S NOT THAT. GO TO THE CORE. then i remember i looked down..and touched my stomach...PCOS..that's right!! He told me YOU CAN FIGHT ALL DAY AND LOSE. I UNDERSTAND YOU TRIED YOUR BEST AND I'M PROUD OF YOU. AND NOW IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE NEXT THING. DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. DONT BE AFRAID TO CALL DRS. I'LL GUIDE YOU.

then the i checked for PCOS again online and check videos and meds. things started coming back to me as a talk with Audrey was now in my memory. and how she worked with a specialist..and is doing MUCH better! OK..THAT'S IT!!!

so yeah! GOD gives DRS knowledge and know how for a all comes from HIM! even the wisdom to create tools to help us and assist in healing! so i went to the DR today for weightloss..and we'll see how things go! the next visit will strictly be for PCOS. next testing would be for GOD KNOWS WHAT?! ha!! HEAVEN HELP!

So when you get a DIAGNOSES, dont give up! dont hang your head in shame! do YOUR part and study what you can. how can you know how to fight if you dont know what your fighting?! check the symptoms, know the names, pray about it, study, dont give up! get the weapons and fight! because you can exercise the rest of your life, but if your metabolism is CRAPPY, you wont see the results as you would expect! so find what BOOSTS that metabolism and go for the WIN!!!


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