a PLUS SIZE MODEL?! who ME?! O_o

NOTE::: i typed this entry ORIGINALLY on 4/17/10 of course before the whole LANE BRYANT thing went down [check the previous entry incase you're not sure of what i mean.] so please dont think i'm ranting because of that whole incident or 'OH GOD! ANOTHER FAT GURL TRYNNA MODEL!' to try to gain popularity based on what's going on. i just had this in my DRAFTS til i found the energy to put my lil 1 minute vid together [aww..lol] which you'll see at the bottom of this post.

ok..on with tha blog..

i remember when plus size models started to hit the scene and gain some recognition. i was wowed but still didnt see anyone that looked like me. beautiful..but STILL another 'standard' i felt i had to measure up too..again coming up 'short' in my eyes. but i remember my confidence was elevated when i found BELLE Magazine [i need to find them somewhere in storage and post some pix]! anyone remember that mag? omg! i was on a cloud to see beautiful women that looked like me. and it was then that i secretly wanted to be a plus size model, even tho i'm a lil short only 5ft 5 and A HALF! [lmbo!] inches. over the years i remember people saying 'you're so photogenic, have you ever thought of modeling?' funny thing is i've always THOUGHT about it. but living in this small town it's like there's no way out..

long story short..when i started gaining weight, i lost ALOT of myself. there was so much going on: got out of a bad relationship, moved away, had to move back, had an accident, was out of a job...i just felt lost and worthless. so i got a wake up call when a relative passed of diabetes at a really young age. and NO! he was not overweight. [sad it takes that for us sometimes, though]. i started my weightloss journey and tried to gain some confidence back and thought about modeling again. i've even chatted with a model before and she said in 'REALISTIC' terms i was too large to be a plus size model! and maybe i am but... REALLY?! she was just a few sizes smaller than me, if that! so i was confused! hmm..iono yall....that's as far as i'll go on that one...but it had me kinda down..so i was like WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

so NOW that i'm halfway to my goal mark and my confidence is building back up, along with people asking me about modeling again, i'm thinkin bout it...AGAIN... even if just for fun for a while..iono! i dont want it to be SOOOO SERIOUS that i lose love of the craft. i just mainly take pix for fun at the moment. and with a MUSIC project coming up [whenever that happens..bwahah!], i gotta get more pix to get my face out there. but maybe take modeling more serious when i get smaller if i dont have alot of other craziness going on.

then i started thinkin...'but why not NOW'? why wait til i get to that 'PERFECT' size to be a plus size model?! or do or BE anything else for that matter!

i also thought about being a NATURAL HAIR MODEL as well. i mean, got..FLAUNT it and make it WORK! EVEN THOUGH..i'm wearing a wig in the last few shots! HA! but i want to do a shoot SPECIFICALLY with my hair [growing out of my scalp..lol] in mind...

i hope to have more soon! i always have ideas for different looks.