this kept goin on and on so i decided to divide this up! lol i can GO honey! lol
closing thoughts on The Lil Black Book...
not saying women dont do the same thing, this is just what came to mind at the time and i started to write on it. one day i'll get on the sistas about something that's on my mind right now but at the moment i'm dealin with the brothas.
we are so alike in so many ways yet it's so very difficult for some of use to communicate effectively. why is that? why are we so afraid to share our emotions? i know we're different in ways as well. there's always a saying that men dont show emotions and you're taught to be tough, but to me there's NOTHING stronger and sexier than a man that is able to show those emotions! and i know that if he's in-tune with his own feelings, he'll be respectful to mine. and YES we women are more emotional unless we have totally shut down..but that's another topic!
do we know, or take the time to see, deep down within that the people we're dealing with are not really for us to begin with? being the reason we hide behind alot of things:::: ex: THE EGO? do we care when that ego monster is on a rampage? but when the REAL thing comes along we think something is wrong with them if they show genuine interest! we feel threatened by their purity because sooner or later they'll find out who we really are! NOT PERFECT!
and ESPECIALLY if they dont have EVERYTHING on our LIST [being the need for the BLACK BOOK], we're bruised and our thoughts are so scattered, that no longer relate to what REAL is! we're so comfortable with getting the PIECES of someone that we even forget what it feels like to be whole...because we resort to using pieces of ourselves to try to patch them up and make them 'right'. so now a part of us belongs to everyone else!
[even with the ones in your lil BLACK BOOK, they're pieces of what you like and even lust after at the time because they feed your EGO MONSTER. and their insecurities, you somehow magically ignore because they're not THE ONE, but you want THE ONE to not have ANY insecurities, while others can smell yours from miles away. now you have to transform yourself into something they're needing as an even exchange to keep them entertained so they wont leave because you HATE rejection. then you lose another part of yourself in this process as well: YOUR IDENTITY. it's so automatic how you switch on and off that you dont even notice it. now i see how it can be understood why some dont really know what they truly want and play the lil EGO GAME. they also have this IMPOSSIBLE LIST as a guard to protect themselves from being hurt. and even protecting others from them sometimes unknowingly.]
but it'll NEVER be right no matter how you try to work on it and dress it up and groom it. puttin on a song and dance for the masses [shuckin and jivin..lol], but behind everything [the women, stats, ego, women, women, women, money, job, women..lol] you're dying! the relationship is falling apart and you hate each other..but you're stroking each other's egos and whatever else..[just being real] to keep it together as long as you can stand it. out of OBLIGATION! nothing sux as bad as that! you start keeping points and when you even the score, you'll call it quits, but they ONE-UP you. now you're STUCK!
now you have these attachments to all of these people! no wonder you're so tired and frustrated! you're being stretched thin and that has to be EXHAUSTING! stop playing yourself! this is just a big waste of time and energy you could spend on something useful! like building character!
bottom line:: stop watering artificial flowers..